EDITING MODE
*Achoo!* Giggling, as I said to myself “It’s bery windy todae”. Random thoughts of sluggish slang always cheers me up. It was late in the afternoon. That day, me and my family decided to go out to one of the bays of Port Hills. My family was getting packed and changing to their warm clothes as I decided to go for a stroll. I glanced over the sea as its waters bashed unto the sea wall and seagulls soaring over the horizon as the sun slowly set downThen I saw her. Through the corner of my eye, I saw an old, wrinkly, lady sitting alone on a bench. She was wearing a grey winter jacket with some black panther pajamas. As the cold breeze passed by, it told me ‘don’t go or you’ll be having it again’, but my heart swayed it away. Our eyes met. They had the same eyes. Eyebrows down and a tint of grief within. Next thing I knew, I was sitting down next to her. She spoked. “Bata, go away, malungkot ako (I’m sad). There it is again, the same word, that overused word that many people use to tell that they feel sorrow, misery, desolated. My head started thinking about it again. I tried stopping it but the past is coming back again. I began to remember it.
*Ophhh!* As I struggle to open the sliding door. “ Ugh! When is my dad going to fix this sliding door?” It’s been days, since all of our family members wrestle with the door. The blazing heat started playing with my head (As the warmth of the sun burnt me) and cicadas shouting everywhere causing my ear to bleed. I soon thought I needed it. Then a barrage of text messages made my phone alive. It was her. It was her again. Did it happen again? I reached for my phone deep inside my bag, I knew something was wrong. My hands became more and more tremulous. In addition to that, my head started filling with made-up stories, the feeling of being light-headed came. “It’s now or later” I said to myself, and I picked now. Slowly, I opened the chat box and saw the very first text. “I’m sad again”.
I read on… “ I’m sad again. Aha, it’s the thoughts. The feeling of emptiness. The feeling of giving your best and not ever being enough. The fear of disappointment in people’s faces when they see your failure” Tears, tears, tears, they started to rain down from my eyes. I couldn’t help it. A precious friend of mine is saying bad things about herself... I read on more. “ The feeling of letting everyone down: feeling powerless, dumb, hurt, numb, wrong, scared, pressured. A feeling of being too empty inside to even cry. To not feel anything, Not sad nor angry. Just empty. What it’s like to be fearful over people leaving you. Of people hurting you again. To see the look of disgust in their eyes when they see you. To always come in second. What’s the point of trying anymore? When getting over average is not good enough anymore. When you blame yourself for messing up, not only is the test but in real life. To give a cry for help, but having people dismiss it as a joke. To live just for that moment when someone turns to you and says they're proud of you. Not just for achievements. But for hanging on. For fighting through life when times get hard. To have someone be proud and say to me ‘I’m thankful you’re in my life’ ‘thankful you’re my friend’. A burst of cries went out. Thankfully, I was home alone. By that time, my head was in circles thinking what to reply. I continued reading. “To do what I want without being judged, or laughed at. Even to have someone consider me as their best friend back. But life isn’t a book. There are no happy endings. Everyone dies at some stage, why does it matter when tomorrow might not even come. No one knows when their last days are. What’s the point of living with a bunch of regrets on our shoulders? Regrets that make us hate who we are. Regrets that cause us in this position in the first place?” You’re lucky, you wouldn’t know it”
My unremitting mind kept saying that she was saying; Another cut, another tear. Another reminder that nobody’s here. I wanted to be there for her, someone who is a friend, telling her that she's not alone. I stood there, just frozen as if I was a block of ice. *tap tap tap*, as dumb as I am, I was going to text her back. Then, I thought, why can’t tomorrow be the day? In a second, I deleted the words that I wanted to say and decided that tomorrow would be that day. The day when we’re finally gonna talk.
I didn’t know what to reply, I wanted to just go over to her house and give her a hug. But the amount of cowardice inside me is too much. I wanted to be brave, but worried I would just make things worse. My hands were still trembling but worse this time. I wanted to cheer her up so I started with a “Olla!” she always replies back with a “heyo” but I knew she wouldn’t. Driven by my emotions, I carelessly replied ”I know that I don’t get what you're feeling, but think of others of how they feel. Ask them the truth. Don’t think that they don’t like you. You don’t have to be first to be liked or idolised. Just be yourself. There are many people who are proud to be your friend… your best friend. Including me! Sometimes, you kinda just have to let it through. Don’t blame yourself too much for mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay . You can do whatever you want, but don’t expect that there are people who won’t judge. Some people are just there to make fun of people. You can get through them by asking help from a friend or standing up for yourself” I sent it. I read through it. Waited for her reply. Then it hit me. I wasn’t helping her. I was saying my opinion. I tripped up. No wonder she was taking a long time to reply. *Bzzt* She replied back. “Byee, and night” During that split second of reading that text. My mind was out, off, gone. I came to the realisation that, me, myself. Is a bad person.
The next day, - during lunch time - while I was walking around, I saw her at the library laughing with her friends with the usual smile, the usual… The moment she moved away from them, her laughter became empty. Then I saw her eyes. Those gloomy, dark, and abandoned eyes. She snuck a glimpse at me suggesting she was mad (she wanted to talk but her shyness came in). It’s been a year since we’ve been friends but we’ve never actually had a proper conversation in real life. I was only her friend from another world (the other world). The world of social media. While the smells of books contaminate the air, I took some courage and decided to chase her. But with her conscious mind, she soon saw me coming. She hurried to escape but I didn’t let her. I grabbed her hand and said. “Hi po!”
It’s been two years since our first conversation. A lot has happened since then, we started talking in calls, talking about happiness everyday. Even dated each other. I wished it would’ve stayed that way. But it ended. My friend, my precious friend back then is getting harder to grasp. Her hands slowly slipping away from me. It was gonna be that way anyways, but I wanted to last longer, even for a second longer. I wanted to be her friend again.
Another year has passed and here I am, helping a person again. I looked over to the lady and said, I’ve been there. You just need somebody to take it in with you. After a while, we talked. I told her jokes that made her frown to a smile. I told her about this one time when I tricked my cousin into thinking that the electric fan was voice controlled. But I was controlling it with a remote. She burst out laughing after hearing that. As we laugh with joy and indestructible smiles, my brother suddenly called me, *Oiiiiii! Alis na tayo kuya* (It’s time to go home). I stood up from the bench, and started walking away. I glanced over to her one last time, I saw a smile with a wave of goodbye (she smiled at me and waved contentedly). As gravells rans against my feet, I stared off into the midst of the ocean and wondered. What could she be doing right now?
Key: Deleted words - Green Added words - Yellow Replace words - Light blue Similis, Metaphors, Personification - Underlined The five Senses - BOLDED Sentencesthat keep readers ask questions - Red | 
