Creative Writing Matrix - Rewriting the Past -

This week on Creative Writing mattrix I decided to write a past story from my blog.

Here is the results.

After the Improvement:

The Brothers of Wild West

It was a blazing hot day at the old Wild west. It was the day when two brothers were born
at a rusty old wooden house named John and Mateo. Before they were born their parents
had problems with each other. Their parents fought in a conversation and had an
outcome of taking one child each.  The mother decided to take Mateo. Eventually
Mateo became one of the head sheriffs of the wild west. Then the father decided to take
John and made him one of the most wanted criminals. 

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John is a leader of a gang called Raffaello. His intelligent mind gives him the plans to
escape without getting caught. He also has a mind of greed that thinks of what bank he
should rob next. Meanwhile, Mateo has a beautiful and loving girlfriend named Emma.
Mateo is a great man who helps everyone in the town. He is passionate, helpful and strong.
He has the mind of always being ready when bad times come.

__

One day the bank’s alarm suddenly went off. Mateo and his fellow sheriffs heard the
ringing of the alarm and started to run towards their  horses. When they arrived, they
saw the famous Rafaello gang. A sudden gun fight started! While the battle occurs, the
two brothers meet. They stopped and looked at each other as if they were looking at a
mirror.

__

John knew they were losing, he quickly sent away the signal for plan B.
He grabbed the bag of money and with the horse they ran away. The sheriffs
tried to catch them but they failed because of their smoke grenades. 

The mind of Mateo filled with confusion, he hurriedly went home and asked
his mother… “Do I have… a brother?” His mom gasped and dropped the
vase she was holding. She shouted, “why are you asking this question?”
Mateo answers, “by your tone of voice, what I said is true.” They argued all
night long until her mother gave up on making him believe he doesn’t have a
brother.

 In the next morning, he packed his bags and told Emma he was about to go
on a journey to find his brother and father. That day his search began.

Before the improvement:

The Brothers Of Wild West

It was a blazing hot day at the deserted Wild west. When the two brothers were born at
a rusty old wooden house named John and Mateo. Their parents divorce when after they
just got born and there parents decided to take one child each. Mateo’s mother took him
and Mateo became one of the head sheriff of wild west, but John’s father took him and
became one of the most wanted criminals.

John has a gang to help him with his crime, the gang is called Raffaello, his the leader
of the gang and John always planning What he should rob next. Mateo has a beautiful and
a loving girlfriend named Emma, Mateo always exercise so he can be strong and ready
when something bad happens.

One day the bank alarm was ringing so loudly that almost all the sheriff in the town
heard it. It was John and his gang who set off the alarm. When Mateo heard the alarm he
run as fast as he could to go to the bank to catch the criminal. He doesn't know it was his
brother who set off the alarm and he doesn't know that he has a brother either. At the middle
of the battlefield the two brothers look at each other like there are looking to a mirror.

Suddenly John called his gang, grabbed the money and quickly ride in their hidden horses
to go to their hidden hideout. All the sheriff in the battle tried to catch them but it was too
late. As soon as Mateo got home he asked her mother “Do I have a brother?” when his
mother heard that, she cried and she said “yes” to Mateo. After that day as soon Mateo
wake up he rapidly tried to find his brother and he even searched the entire village but
he couldn’t find his brother.

There’s one way to solve this problem he has to find his dad and brother.
(he didn’t know it at the first time). So Mateo left a letter to his mother and his girlfriend
(Emma) about his leaving the village and trying to find his brother.
There Mateo goes to his journey to find his father and brother.